Dating With Herpes

Dating with Herpes, Herpes Support Groups, Herpes Social Groups, HSV-1, HSV-2, Herpes Diagnosis, Herpes Treatments, How to Tell Someone You have Herpes, Dating with Herpes . ORG, Herpes Dating Sites

Dating With Herpes

Dating With Herpes? – You Are Not Alone!

Dating With provides up-to-date, trustworthy information about genital herpes and dating with herpes.  If you have been recently diagnosed with genital herpes, you may be upset and confused and think your sex life is over.  However, once you settle down and learn the facts, you will realize  that having genital herpes is not the end of the world, and herpes is not the end of  your sex life or your social life. About 45-60 million Americans have genital herpes. You are not alone!   If you do not have genital herpes, but are dating someone with genital herpes, you will find out how to reduce your risk of getting herpes.

You may wonder – How Did I Get Herpes?  Herpes (HSV-1 and/or HSV-2) is extremely common.  Statistics estimate that in the USA, between 60-80% of adults carry the HSV-1 virus, and approximately 20% of people over 12 carry the HSV2 virus. Percentages may be higher in major metro areas.  Both HSV-1 and HSV-2 can cause genital herpes.  Most people with genital herpes have infrequent, mild, or no noticeable symptoms, and 90% of them are totally unaware that they even have it.  Other people may display symptoms occasionally or regularly.

HSV-1 is most often associated with cold-sores around the mouth, but can also be transmitted to the genitals via oral sex and is the cause of many new cases of genital herpes.  HSV-2 is most often associated with the genital region and very rarely occurs near the mouth.  Sometimes people have herpes outbreaks on their backs, buttocks, anus or thighs, and not around the genitals.  Herpes can be spread even when there are no noticeable sores or symptoms.  Surprisingly, most doctors do NOT include a blood test for herpes even when they are testing their patients for other common STD’s.  Therefore, 90% of people who carry the virus for herpes – don’t even know it!   Unless you specifically request a type-specific herpes blood test, you may not know if you have herpes HSV-1 or HSV-2 or both.  Ask your doctor for the type-specific herpes blood test!

Because genital herpes is the most common sexually transmitted disease, there are Herpes Support Groups and Herpes Social Groups in most metro areas in the US and Canada and also around the world!  These Herpes Support Groups and Herpes Social Groups are usually FREE and run by members who volunteer their time to run support groups and organize social events.  Your local or regional Herpes Support Group and Herpes Social Group are one of the best places for you to go to make friends with other people with Genital Herpes, learn how others successfully manage herpes and date with herpes. Who knows – you might even meet someone you want to date.

There are many online dating services for people with herpes and other STDs.  You’ll find a chart comparing these services at Herpes Dating Online.  If you  are dating people who do not have herpes, you should learn how to tell someone  that you have herpes, and how to reduce your risk of transmitting herpes to your partner(s) or reduce your risk of getting herpes from someone.   The more you know about genital  herpes, the more confident you will be about the choices you make.  For more  information about herpes transmission, diagnosis and  treatment, see our Herpes Links page.

Unfortunately, there are various people and companies out there who try to take advantage of people with herpes, with bogus herpes cures or bogus herpes treatments, herpes hoaxesdeceptive and misleading advertising and spam for STD dating services.  For more info, see Herpes Scams.

If you have other questions about dating with herpes, please click on Herpes Questions,  and see if your question can be answered there.  You are welcome to submit your own questions, and if we think they are relevant to the larger group, we may post an answer to this site.  Please note, because we are unpaid volunteers with our own busy lives, we cannot and will  not be able to answer each question personally.

This site is a work in progress.  We appreciate your feedback and suggestions and links.  We especially appreciate it if you tell us about broken links or give us links to new articles or research studies or anything else that can help us improve this site and provide better and more recent information to people seeking the most up-to-date, reputable, useful information for people dating with genital herpes.  Thank you for your help!

Good luck and happy herpes dating!

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  • Liz says:

    Hi thank you for the response. Sorry if it sounded confusing. My culture was positive for hsv 1 pcr and negative hsv 2 pcr for which the swab was taken from the sore in my vaginal area. I only had a few sores and barely noticed them until I thought I had a yeast infection and looked with a mirror and saw the sores and panicked. But the blood tests for hsv 1 and 2 came out negative. Those were the IgG and the IGM, EIA hsv screen was also negative. So the only positive screen was my culture. Hope this clarifies the results.

    06/18/2014 at 3:50 pm
  • admin says:

    Genital herpes is extremely common. Almost everyone who has genital herpes is just a good and generally careful person, like you. Half or more of the new cases of genital herpes infections are from HSV-1 being transmitted orally to the genitals. Very few people use protection for oral sex, and that’s why so many people get HSV-1 genitally. And it’s possible to have it for years, and not know it. Some statistics show that 60-80% of adults in the USA have HSV-1 which they acquired as children from being kissed on the face by adults. It is so common, that most doctors don’t even test for it. And most people *think* their doctors tested them for herpes, but it’s possible that they are mistaken. Unless they have actually SEEN their test results, it’s possible that they were not tested for herpes, or only tested for HSV-2 (since most people will test positive for HSV-1 anyhow and doctors may consider the HSV-1 test a waste of time and money.) The way you describe your diagnosis is confusing. You say your blood tests were negative. Did your doctor do a swab culture of your genitals? And it was positive for HSV-1? Swab tests are usually very accurate. The herpes blood tests, however, are inaccurate a small percent of the time. Your test results may be inaccurate. The best herpes blood test is the Western Blot from University of Washington. It’s over 99% accurate. It has to be requested by special order – since the regular labs don’t carry this test. You may have to insist that your doctor order this test from University of Washington Virology Department to confirm your results, since they don’t make sense. Read our page about Herpes Diagnosis again for more details. Good luck.

    06/18/2014 at 3:28 pm
  • Lizzie says:

    I was devastated when I found out I had it. I had been in a 3 year committed relationship with my bf and he broke up with me in march this year. I then met a guy who we talked and hung out for a while and then had sex. Before anything even happened he had been tested and was negative for both strains and had no visible sores or anything. I know that people can still have it without symptoms but his results were negative. We had protected sex but he did go down on me. Well sure enough 4 days later I noticed sores and went to my doctor to get tested and was positive for HSV-1 genital herpes and who knows if I have oral too now. I have not seen any sores. And blood tests were both negative for the blood test, including the IGm which, if positive would say I was just exposed. So I am now confused and the guy got tested again after we got together and tested negative for everything. My concern now is that my ex of 3 years may have given it to me. After we broke up we hooked up one time about a week or two after the break up. I noticed he shaved down there and asked him if he hooked up with anyone and he said no. I am just confused because this recent guy was negative and it was only because of my culture that told me I was positive. I just feel betrayed cause he didn’t know and if my ex gave it to me I will be hurt. I am thinking of talking to my ex because I feel if he does have it he should know so he doesn’t pass it to someone else. I no longer talk to the guy I recently was with because he was immature about the whole thing. I am a good person and I don’t sleep around. He was tested and I was in a 5 year relationship before the 3 year one. And I was tested during both relationships. I am just scared because people stereotype these people who have herpes and I am a loving person who wants to get married and have kids and be happy. Clearly I had no clue and I took precautions. And now I have to live with this the rest of my life. I also do take care of myself and eat well and doing everything I can to relax and move on.

    06/17/2014 at 10:40 am
  • admin says:

    Honesty is the best policy. How can you expect someone to really love you if you are deliberately lying to them? Not telling someone up front indicates a lack of caring for the other person – on your part. Lying is disrespectful, and certainly not the behavior of a loving person. Start your relationships right by always disclosing your herpes status before having intimate contact with someone. Also, how does your boyfriend know that he doesn’t have herpes? Did he get a blood test or ? Absence of symptoms does NOT mean absence of STD’s or herpes. Good luck in the future and please be honest.

    06/02/2014 at 10:04 am
  • Rosetta Law says:

    I just told my boyfriend of 7 months I have it in a heated argument, he stayed for a month but now feel he don’t have and its over. That’s why I would rather not tell. He told me he loved me and no matter what he would stay with me. I’m so hurt but I know I can only blame myself. Now, he feel if he had it he would’ve stayed. I feel like my whole world has came down on me. This wasn’t my first time going through this with a guy so that’s why I was hesitant to tell him. I can’t do nothing but deal with it now. Dont know if I will ever date again.

    05/30/2014 at 5:40 am
  • admin says:

    Genital Herpes is extremely common and you should not feel ashamed just because you have it. 60-80% of adults in the US have HVS-1 and @ 20% of women in the US have HSV-2. If you are having suicidal thoughts, then you should call the Suicide Hotline or Herpes Support Hotline asap, or join one of the many Herpes Support Groups that are all over the USA For more information, see our page on Herpes Support.

    05/11/2013 at 2:48 pm
  • admin says:

    A lot of medical professionals are not at all knowledgeable or up-to-date about herpes diagnosis or treatment. And some of these medical professionals tell patients that they were “exposed” to HSV-1 or HSV-2, as if that’s somehow different from having herpes. If you have antibodies for HSV-1 and/or HSV-2, then you have it. Period. This does NOT mean that you are always contagious and there are a lot of things that you can do to prevent spreading herpes to your partner(s). It does no good to keep on trying to contact anyone who obviously doesn’t want to communicate. Move on and look forward, not backward. You will meet some great people in the herpes community, who won’t judge you based on a silly virus. Good luck! DWH

    10/22/2012 at 11:58 am
  • LSD says:

    So I just found out that I have herpes. I’m freaking out and pissed and outraged. Mostly because he says it’s impossible for him to have passed it along to me, even though he’s THE ONLY PERSON I’ve slept with since my last PAPS and physical that came up clean. I asked them to test me for EVERYTHING because my insurance was going to run out and they found nothing. Then a month after my PAPS I had cuts that just seemed to not go away in places they shouldn’t be and I’m going into the clinic only to find out that I’ve got an STD. He says he doesn’t have it, how is that possible?

    10/18/2012 at 10:01 am
  • Elle says:

    I was told that I was “exposed” to HSV1 and HSV2 in July 2011. I was floored! My complaint was a yeast infection EVERY SINGLE MONTH before my cycle;or what I thought was a yeast infection. I don’t have a discharge, just burning, itching, and inflammation. There’s no blisters or sores of any kind. I’m even tempted to get retested. My biggest issue is rejection. That is never good. I try to be honest about my HSV. Aside from not answering their phones and not responding to my texts or emails, some have gone to the extreme of “blocking” me from communicating with them on other sites. This is one of the things that I am dealing with in therapy. At 44 years of age, I’m ready for a long-term/permanent relationship. I am ready to settle down and grow with my mate. I’m hoping that HWERKS works for me.

    10/12/2012 at 4:07 am
  • Adriana says:

    So… Now I know I have herpes, what do i need to be careful? if i am with a guy and want to have sex can i just have a condom and dont tell him? i do not have blisters or anything active, the doctor told me is just in my blood… i am just really not comfortable with telling guys i have herpes but also i want to be careful and not spread. thank you!

    09/18/2012 at 6:44 pm
  • admin says:

    A “tingling” feeling can be a sign of a “prodrome” and possibly asymptomatic shedding of the herpes virus. However, there is no way to know if you are truly “actively shedding” the virus on any given day unless you are participating in a clinical medical study where they take a swab from the surface of your skin in various parts of your body (i.e. genitalia, mouth) and see if they find any active virus. For most of us, this isn’t an option.

    Most people who have genital or oral herpes don’t even know it because they don’t have any noticeable symptoms like bumps, blister or sores, even when they might be shedding the virus asymptomatically and are potentially contagious.

    The fact that you are aware of this “tingling” feeling could be a sign that you are currently shedding the herpes virus, but there really is no way of knowing this for sure unless you are participating in a study. You might want to check our page on herpes research and the herpes links sections and see where there are studies happening.

    Sorry we could not have been more help. DWH

    07/04/2012 at 6:31 pm
  • DENISE says:

    I have a question, so I was just recently diagnosed in March but I don’t get like any blisters or any bumps or anything. I just have a “tingly” feeling ALL the time. Like every single day, it doesn’t even itch, I just feel so weird all the time. Is it possible to be active at all times? Or am I doing something that activates it every day? I really want to know because I am trying to cope with it but I can’t get better mentally if I’m consistly reminded every single day of my life. I would do a better job at accepting myself if it was a little more tamed, if I must say lol

    07/03/2012 at 10:00 pm
  • admin says:

    There are already some H social groups in Virginia that you should check out before starting a new group. See how other H groups operate and maybe participate in their events before deciding if you want to start a new group in your area. To see the Virgina H Social Group links, go to:


    05/18/2012 at 4:37 pm
  • Mike says:

    Believe it or not, it is possible that you have dodged the bullet. Herpes is not always in an “active” state but will spread when it is. Sadly it may not be possible to know if you are active. It’s now easy for me to know when an onset is coming as I get a “tingling” in my left leg then very mild and at times very hard to see symptoms come within hours.
    I have had herpes (1 and 2) since 1981. I have been married twice and gave neither of them the disease and have four children.
    As said the only true way to know is by getting tested. The blood draw can tell them within minutes provided they have a lab right there as my Doctor did.
    Also as mentioned..DEMAND The herpes test be added to the battery! This is not usually done to save them time and money as per current stats, 75% of sexually active people have it. Most doctors or speciality facilities get well under 200 for the full test. I think my last one cost 125 not because I thought it would go away but because they had to prescribe new meds for another issue and wanted to know everything. Hang in…it stinks but won’t kill you

    03/13/2012 at 1:37 pm

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